Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
