just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
