i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
