Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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