you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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