i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
