LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
