i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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