How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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