i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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