she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
