I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
