i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize