I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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