shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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