I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
