You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
