feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
