WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
