dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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