what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
