don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize