Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sarcasm needs its own font
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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