yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
