last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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