Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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