You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
