I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
