So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize