what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
