I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize