I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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