Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
