She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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