margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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