I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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