I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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