glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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