In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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