i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
