i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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