I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize