I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
