ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
