Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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