After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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