i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
