what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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