apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Blood and glitter go together right?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
