"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
