You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
