This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
