Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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