Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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