Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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