life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
