last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
