Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
