you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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