I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
