My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
