Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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