Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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