Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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